Holy Reading

Mitchell, Brody, Shannon, and Shelby

I felt closer to my calling when I was a welder, and I really hope to get into the profession again, although it will most likely require that I move.  These blog entries have become less frequent now, but they were pretty frequent when I trained in a college shop, walked a total of five or six miles a day, worked at McDonald's, arrived home at midnight, and resigned to an empty apartment with no Wi-Fi.  Something about that seems counter-intuitive, since loneliness depresses me, and I get my energy from friendship.


It was interesting, though, spending so much time by myself.  It gave me an opportunity to examine myself in a new way and feel out my calling, once social concerns took away some of my bias.  It also allowed me to pass the time with my new friend.


In my dusty living room, stashed in the corner, was a stand with my small, private library of books.  I made a vow to myself that I would read some of them, and I did.  On restless nights when sleep just didn't come, they helped me pass the time.

But it wasn't out of nerdy interest.  "I love books!" is a very sophisticated way of saying "I need a pacifier for adults!"  Which was true, for me.  I would have gone insane without something to read.  Most especially, I needed to really dig in and study some of the Epistles of the New Testament in greater depth, and allow it all to soak in.  Then there were the other books, like The Case For Christ and The Reason for Faith and Building a Contageous Church.  Some of them were more intriguing reads than the others, but what they all had in common was a calling.  Every time I read one of those books, I felt like I was more than just intrigued, but called to read them.  It felt like a duty, a purpose.

Books mean quite a bit to me.  I have a bigger shelf now, and many more books to go on that shelf.  I've taken pictures of some of them, but there's even more to look at.  I picked up many books either for real cheap or for free, and often found myself wondering "Wow?  What's the point in getting another one if I don't think that I could possibly read all these throughout my lifetime?"  It's a legitimate concern, but setting that aside, I do intend on reading all that I have.  The simple reason for that is "knowledge is power," but since those words don't resonate with me and only partially explain my interest, I think that I need to go into more detail.


It is very true that knowledge is invaluable.  I greatly desire the wisdom that books can provide.  They make me well-rounded, more objective, and more responsible.  I look at the subject matters of the books and realize, "I want to know all about that!"  So I read them, and feel equipped.


Then there's the aspect that goes beyond the mere utilitarian use of reading and research.  I feel paternal and like I'm fulfilling a responsibility to the people that I love.  Moreover, as I reach out to these authors and develop an author-reader relationship by reading their works, I feel connected.   It may seem one-way, but I still get this sense that I'm in community with them. When that happens, I can tell that I'm immersed in the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit is a Spirit of community.  Even when I'm reading the painful, atheistic works of Mark Twain in Letters from the Earth, I find the Holy Spirit active in me, calling me to love.


Knowledge may indeed be power, but it's a power that I pursue as a steward over Creation.  Knowledge makes me a better steward, and God created me as a steward.  God also created me to worship, and knowledge increases my worship.  The more I know, the more I learn to appreciate the beauty of God's creation.  A true man involves himself in such things.  As a scholar in pursuit of knowledge, I get to know Him more by underlining the important information in these books, bt as a Christian reading with the help of the Holy Spirit, I also get to know Him by seeing His work through these authors and how he uses them, and I must allow these books to influence me in a way that is suitably holy.

A good Jewish man embraces scholarship, and I think of how Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof values these things.  Scholarship is a worshipful exercise.  He would have ideally married his daughters to such men, and I can't blame him.  The more I read, the more I feel like I'm preparing myself to spiritually lead my future wife and be a blessing to her.  I feel more paternal and ready to raise children wisely and lovingly.  For everyone else, I feel just a little bit more engaged in the church by entering into the author-reader relationship.  And when I read, I feel like I'm talking with God, like it's a form of prayer.


Not everyone is meant to be a bookworm, but I think that I'm one of those people who's called to be one.  It's one of my spiritual gifts.  The deeper I am in this past time, the closer I am to who I was meant to be, the more I see the Holy Spirit's work in my life.  I feel more Christlike when I'm reading, not that Jesus was a bookworm, but in the sense that I discover my intended humanity, the human being in me that is married to Jesus' name and is truly holy in the eyes of God.  Whether I read books or not, it's there.  That holiness is part of me, now.  It's part of my nature in Christ.


Sincerely,
John Hooyer